Short Story: The Perfect Girl
What do you do when your current partner clashes with your fantasies?
This story was born on a misty gray day in early June, based on a tiny observation made on Memorial Day in Ojai, California.
I later read the story out loud in front of 20 strangers, at Ojai Storyworks. A monthly gathering of creative locals presenting their latest work, whether it’s stories or songs.
The regular presenters are awesome, often professionals in their craft. I’m honored to be allowed to share my story, and I’m also scared and nervous. But the feedback is great, and I realize that I should write more fiction.
The Perfect Girl
He loves to walk, but he hates walking through town on Sundays. Tourists rush in during the weekend and suddenly too many people mingle about, all staring at him. That’s how it feels, although he isn’t sure why they would have any interest.
He rounds the street corner, braces the sea of people swimming along the main street, diving in and out of cafes, restaurants, and shops.
The young woman two steps ahead points to a small dog. She turns around and looks at him, tells him how cute the dog is. He smiles at her, in the way you’re supposed to when the woman you love bares her heart. The smile dies as soon as she turns away. No way he’s getting a fucking dog.
He usually likes dogs, but small ones remind him of his ex. She’s the one that got away, the one he dreamed of growing old with. She burst into his life complete with a tiny dog, and they both stole his heart. But then the dog died, and the girl left, and now he doesn’t know how to mend his broken insides.
The new relationship was a relief from the pain he felt. The young woman is beautiful and appears perfect in every way.
They finish their stroll and get back into the car. She insists on driving. He hates the way she navigates this car. He loves it a lot, has worked hard to be able to afford it. Now she’s ruining it for him.
His ex loved the car for all the same reasons he does. She just got it, what it was about. Together they would cruise along the coast, wind in their hair, sun on their faces, not a care in the world.
In this moment all he feels is tension, and he wants to point out everything the new girl is doing wrong. He holds his tongue, doesn’t want to trigger another argument. And it’s not really wrong, the way she drives, it’s just different from what he is used to and how he would do it. With her at the wheel the drive is bumpy, she hits every pothole and he longs back to smooth rides.
She smiles at him while they drive. When they met he told everyone how cute her smile is. Lately, he has come to detest it. He senses that it makes her look like one of those small dogs, begging for approval with everything she does. It’s obvious how hard she wants to be a part of his life, to learn to love what he loves, to be able to see the world through his eyes. She is on audition and desperately wants to score the lead role.
As the casting director for the important parts in his life he should decline, throw her out. She is not the right fit, and he knows it. But she’s willing to sleep with him to get the part, and he is hurting inside and the sex makes the pain go away for a few minutes.
At night he lies awake, disturbed by the sounds of her sleeping body. He leaves the bed, walks out onto the patio. Sits down, wrapped in a blanket, and looks at the stars. A smoke would be great, but he gave that up years ago, along with the booze.
The night sky is intriguing, he seeks to unwrap its secrets. He got a telescope to get a closer look, searching for answers. Tonight he just looks from afar.
In the last months, his dreams have been haunted. A woman is teasing him with her ways, and some days he thinks more about her than his current date. He looks up, sends out a prayer. Let me find her, he thinks. If someone like her exists in this world, then please let me find her.
He has vivid dreams of sleeping next to her, arms wrapped around her body, his nose buried in her hair. In the dream he wakes and the sight of her floods him with love and happiness and he inches closer with a smile on his face.
Then he wakes for real, sees the beautiful young woman and his heart drops. He doesn’t feel loved, and he isn’t happy to see her. He knows if he gets closer and wakes her, she will push him away. Tell him his breath smells, and that it’s too early and anyway, she should get up and go for a run and then get ready for work.
He admires the ambition and drive she holds in regard to her career, and hates it at the same time. She started out young, worked intensely for her success and it has made her hard and cold and left her without any affection to give.
In those moments he longs to go back to sleep, to find a way back into the dream with this woman that will smile at him when she wakes. He loves the way she strokes his hair and kisses him despite stinky morning breath. He knows she would be receptive to making love while the first rays of sunshine fall onto the bed. Their throws of passion would energize her, so when he dozes off after their joint climax he can hear her splash in the pool, before making breakfast and serving coffee in bed.
One night he dreamed about having sex with this imaginary woman. He woke up with his hand around his cock, fingers sticky. The beautiful young woman next to him mumbled in her sleep and turned her bony back to him. A striking contrast to the soft round body he immersed himself in a few minutes ago. Embarressed he slid out of bed to clean up his mess.
Since then he has masturbated regularly in the shower, engaged in steamy fantasies. He mentioned the dream and the masturbation to his therapist, talking about how ashamed he is as it feels like he’s cheating.
What’s your sex life like these days, the therapist wants to know.
Technically perfect and emotionally lacking.
I see. And in your fantasies?
Very different.
He stares at the ceiling at night, thinking about this mysterious woman he hopes to find. He imagines her walking around the house on soft feet, humming a tune while she works with whatever it is that she’s passionate about, and turns everything she touches to gold. He would sit there, pretending to read or write while secretly watching her move around like calmly flowing water.
Then he thinks of his ex for a bit, and how close he got to having what he now longs for. He loved her, he loved being with her, and yet, it wasn’t enough. Too many fights, late-night discussions, yelling, and slamming doors. They couldn’t make it work, even with all the therapy sessions alone and together. In the end, they gave up, defeated and sad, deflated yet filled with love for the other. All that remained were memories of great moments in time, and a deeper sense of what he is searching for in a partner.
He hasn’t found it yet. He knows this while he clings to hope that the young woman auditioning for the role magically will turn into the dream girl.
But instead of quiet loving mornings, his life has become loud and chaotic. The days he spends with her are filled with stomping feet, blaring hip-hop music, and phone calls on speaker mode. In the beginning, he loved the contrast to the silence that surrounds him when he is on his own. He watched with amazement as she waltzed through life with the volume turned up. He thought he needed that noise, wanted that noise to drag him out of his lethargy and hurt.
Now he’s begun to loathe it because there isn’t a silent moment where he can catch a breath or hear his own thoughts. He has to leave the house for this, and it’s the reason he has embraced walking every day. She believes he does it to lose weight after she complained about his dad body. If only she knew that all he wants is to get away from her and the chaos she drops everywhere she goes.
So he walks around town, looking at strangers, waiting to come across the face that haunts his dreams.
This is beautiful, Yvonne, and oh so sad. I can relate to the gnawing pain of being with someone who does not fit you. I had decided that it was better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't "get me." But lo and behold, as soon as I gave up searching he appeared and I am now happily married to a man who fits me like a glove and whom I am deeply in love with. The Universe works in mysterious ways.
Thank you for this beautiful story🙏